It’s time for some feminist action, brought to you courtesy of the migraine that today gifted me.
All the background you need to know: I work retail. I think, objectively, most people perceive me as a young attractive straight female, regardless of how I see myself or attempt to present myself. I work in a retail environment that heavily emphasizes customer service. I mean, these days, if you’re working independent retail in particular you really need to step up your customer service, because it’s about the only advantage you have over corporate. I encounter a lot of people in the course of my day, many of whom treat me just fine. Now that that’s out of the way…
On a pretty regular basis, I interact with people who do not treat me well. These run the gamut from people who talk on their cell phones while I am helping them, because apparently I am a machine, to people who are rude and weird. These people get me in a twitch, and I move on. What I am unable to get over, however, is dudes who feel like they can make a pass at me while I’m working. This goes beyond mere irritation, and here’s why:
From my understanding, it is only possible to think it’s appropriate to hit on someone when they’re working because you’re operating in a system of privilege where you don’t have to consider your actions. To whit: the people who hit on me are a male, and straight males, which means they unilaterally benefit from the heteropatriachy. Add to that the fact that they are socially and economically privileged enough to be hitting up a bookstore and probably white because of the demographic in the place I live. In most, if not every, aspect of their lives, they are the beneficiary of multiple systems of privilege, which means their way of being is constantly affirmed, they rarely feel unsafe or disempowered, and I imagine there’s a sense of entitlement that comes along with these things. This is probably why they feel that it’s ok to sidle up to me when I’m doing my job and assert their interest in me.
Now, granted, I’m benefitting from the intersection of many systems of privilege as well: I’ve got enough money to get by and the upper-middle-class background to fake my way along, I’m attractive, for all intents and purposes I am assumed to be straight, I’m white, I am intelligent, et cetera. I try to be as conscientious as possible about the ways in which I benefit from being on the affirmed end of these systems of privilege; I find it important to own up to them. In this situation, however, I am disempowered in two very important ways: I am female, and I am working.
I’m finding that customer service work intersects with gender in interesting ways, and that as a female in customer service there are expectations of the ways in which I will be accommodating: smile politely when older men flirt with me a little bit or tell vaguely sexist jokes, put up with customers thinking I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m a young female, not call a customer out on your heteronormative sexist bullshit when they decide I’m a convenient object for ranting about ladies not dressing like ladies, or complement me on my appearance.
It’s a long list, and while I know my male coworkers have to deal with a lot of bullshit at work too, I find myself resentful that they rarely — if ever — find themselves interpellated as romantic or sexual objects. It is infuriating to feel unsafe when I’m doing my job because a creepy dude may or may not be staring at me, and furthermore feel that I’m not entitled to call him out on it until it gets really unsafe because I need to provide stellar customer service. It drives me crazy that some dude can waltz into the store and assume that, because I’m doing “nothing” (oh, wait, I’m putting merchandise away, but that’s okay, I can make small talk with you) it’s okay to make a pass at me.
Because here’s the deal: when I’m working, I’m not free to respond to you as I like. If you feel like you’re entitled to invade my personal space and touch my shoulder, I have to tactfully evade it instead of telling you to get the hell away from me. If you get flirty, or ask for my number, or tell me I’m pretty, guess what? We’re not on equal ground right now, because you’re the customer, and my polite response does not mean that I’m “shy.” It means that I’m working. And not being able to respond in a way that affirms my personhood and refuses who you want me to be for you? That’s the shit that sends me home with a migraine, because I’m waffling between defending myself and making sure that our store makes enough money, and I end up clenching my jaw and avoiding you — in my place of work! — until you leave. And I am lucky enough to work somewhere that places the safety of its employees first.
I am only starting to become aware of the kinds of privilege and disempowerment that are at work in customer service situations, and how blatantly ignorant most people are to them. I would love input on this, because it drives me up a fucking wall and I can’t be the only one. In fact, I know I’m not the only one. Because it’s not just me, and it’s not just one dude. It’s a system.
‘Because it’s not just me, and it’s not just one dude. It’s a system.’
Way to lay it down.
It is a system, one I’ve experienced in different capacities (http://highwaysandanchors.blogspot.com/2008/07/long-time-gone-now.html & http://highwaysandanchors.blogspot.com/2008/08/27-cents.html)
I think you’re spot on with the intersection of gender and working status. It’s got my cogs going…
how bout the pressure to flirt for tips if you’re in a service position?
yowza!
This was really interesting for me because while I worked customer service for many years, including retail and food/drink service where I would occasionally get hit on, I never quite considered it in this way. I’ve complained for a long time at the way we’re often forced to become less like people and take all kinds of horrendous treatment without being able to stand up for ourselves unless a physical line is crossed, but I hadn’t quite made this distinction, and it is an important one. I think you get it exactly right. It is a system, and while I still think most dudes aren’t consciously hitting on you because you’re in a disadvantaged position, there is an assumption that someone in customer service has to be nice (doubly so if you’re working for tips, and the come-ons are even more frequent then), and so they feel free. It’s the same reason people feel free to talk on the phone while you’re helping them, speak rudely, and even imply that you’re stupid – they know they’re in a position of power, and they’re seeing you as a blank face rather than a person doing a job.
You have my sympathies, anyway.
I’ve not worked in retail, so I can’t speak to your experience (although it is an unfortunate product of the system), but I do also find it annoying that males working in customer service don’t quite seem to have to play by the same rules as you and can freely condescend to female customers. I can only imagine it’s many times more annoying as an employee getting that from a customer than it is as a customer getting that from an employee :( This is part of what drove me to do all my shopping for anything remotely technology-related online unless I can literally run in, grab what I need, and be at the register before someone gets the idea that I might need some hardware advice :/
I’m so sorry you have to put up with this crud :(
Ugh… I can absolutely see how that would be frustrating and hopefully your co-workers are aware of those inequities as well. It’s a difficult place because it’s also not as if you want anyone “fighting” for you but it would also be helpful to not be dangled out like bait. I know that when I worked coffee I’d often be put on register because we “tended to get more tips.” In a whole other balance of inequities this was a little ridiculous since I was also the fastest and most efficient at the bar… needless to say I was expected to diffuse situations when drinks were made incorrectly. I think this is a really big issue in service because, you’re right, you’re not in a position to give your normal response whether it be refusing an unwanted overture or just giving your opinion in general. I remember having an altercation with a regular customer over some petition he wanted me to sign once to which I refused. I remember being extremely angry but not really knowing where to direct it. I actually felt a little guilty at first like I had escalated a situation but then I realized I didn’t bring my politics out at work he sought out my opinion and where do we draw the line? It was my job to be polite not my job to agree with him.